Mama Lourdes Fernandes, Nee Dias, passed away peacefully on May 13, 2024, after a short stay at May’s Place Hospice in Vancouver, BC. She had Alzheimer’s Dementia and was almost 85 years old. This terminal disease is aptly called, The Long Goodbye.
She had a glorious, magical life filled with dignity and Big Joy. Amazingly, Lourdes chose, on her terms, to have a conscious, natural death. Thankfully, her children heard and honoured her end of life wishes, and she was lucky to have had a graceful, natural death, maintaining her dignity to the end. She was comfortable and peaceful through the process; each of her children visited and spent time with her in these last days. They cherished her moments of clarity, where she sang hymns, shared prayers, and gave them her famous blessings. She was also comforted by St Pauls chaplain, Fr Victor, who was able to comfort her with her Last Rites.
She loved unconditionally and that love is reflected back by so many who met her. Lourdes was born in Grant Rd, in Bombay, India on December 02, 1939, to John and Albertina Dias. She loved Bombay, and was a teacher in Mumbai when she married Moses in 1966, after 2 weeks courtship!! He would turn out to be the love of her life and devoted companion and spouse. They had an exemplary marriage, filled with equality and love.
After marriage Lourdes travelled by ship, from India to Africa, to Harare (Salisbury), Zimbabwe, which she made her home for 20+years. Here, she joyfully raised four children, Rosario, Sandra, David and Savio. The family immigrated to the United States in 1987, and settled in Santa Rosa, California.
She was devastated, when in 1993, her beloved Moses, passed away at a very young age of 60. She had devotedly cared for him his whole life, through multiple terminal illnesses, including cancer.
Lourdes lived the rest of her life, with various of her children, in Northern and Eastern and Central California, then DFW Texas area, and finally Canada. In 2012, she emigrated to Vancouver BC Canada, which became her new home, where she lived with her eldest son, Rosario and his husband, Jim Hankle. Lourdes was blessed to have 2 gay children. Rosario came out to her as a gay man, in the mid 90’s and later, Sandy. Despite being a devout Catholic, she showed true Christ-like behaviour, by showing him and Sandy, and all their gay community, unconditional love and respect. In return, she was also cherished and loved by the gay community, and she became the surrogate Mama of many. She ended up being woven into, and thrived by being included in Rosario and Jim’s vibrant life.
Despite being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, she enjoyed endless socials: potlucks, movie nights, gay country dancing, sweat lodges, outings. She thrived on others company as much as they thrived on hers. We have a video of her beaming as she dancing in a Barn Dance during the Emerald City Hoedown a few years ago. She was also an active member of the Vancouver Goan club, GOA Goan Overseas Association and attended many of their picnics, dances and socials. Because she was so accepting and open, Rosario and Jim took extra effort to navigate her increasing care in her final years. Even as her Alzheimer’s progressed, she remained kind, generous and positive. In her last days, she seemed to radiate unconditional love.
Till the day she died, Lourdes remained a devout, active Catholic. She and Moses attended daily mass for years, both in Zimbabwe and California. She taught catechism and said daily rosary with her kids. She had an unwavering faith, prayed and sang daily, and offered blessings and hugs to all who met her.
Lourdes is preceded in death by her parents John and Albertina, brothers Bonnie and Johnson, sister Olga. She is survived by her sister Christine and her children Rosario (Jim), her daughter Sandy (Jenny), her son David (Tania) and her son Savio (Renee) and her grandchildren Grace and Kirsten, Zakiah and Ava, as well as endless cousins, nephews, nieces.
Family is planning to have a Celebration of Life, Light and Love for Lourdes in Vancouver, Canada, on December 7th, 2024 (Her 85th Birthday would have been December 2nd). Details to follow. Rosario will send out details to local family and friends. Please private message Rosario at 604-346-6616 or [email protected] for more information.
There will also be a Memorial Mass in Vancouver BC, in May 2025, to be announced at a later date.
A Rosary and Viewing was held at Daniels Chapel of the Roses Funeral Home, Santa Rosa, on May 23, 2024. Her Funeral Mass was held at St. Eugene’s Cathedral, Santa Rosa California, on Friday May 24, 2024. She is buried next to Moses at the Bennett Valley Cemetery. The Youtube Eulogy by Sandy and Rosario and funeral mass on May 24, 2024 in California, can be viewed below: